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Disaster Movie: bring back the death penalty

Submitted by on September 7, 2008 – 3:36 pmNo Comment

I don’t understand parody movies any more. It seems as if, subtlety gets thrown out of the window in favour of obvious quotes almost directly copied from the original sources’ script. Movie is the latest “” from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. These two names have managed to systematically destroy the genre named “comedy” and make the world cringe when they hear about an “hilarious new spoof movie”. I am completely confused. How do Friedberg and Seltzer actually continue to work? How on earth do they continue to get their scripts greenlit? IMDB has reportedly estimated the budget of Disaster Movie at $25,000,000. I am clearly in the wrong line of work. It seems that all I have to do to get a film produced is get a list of movie titles to be released next year, copy all of their trailers and quote them all verbatim with a character that doesn’t resemble them (but can be introduced for a confused ). As long as one of these characters gets run over all will be well..

I am a sucker for the underdog amongst the pack. Once I realise there is a movie being torn apart (critically) then I’ll look for its redeeming points. It has recently become known that Disaster Movie managed to get to the lowest user rated film of all time (in IMDB) within days of opening. It holds a dismal 1.3 out of 10 at IMDB and of the 49 poor souls who were counted at Rotten Tomatoes, every single one of them thought it to be “rotten”, giving it an average of 1.7.

So off I went to the cinema to rescue the movie critically. Surely anything coming out of Hollywood isn’t that bad. For a comedy to fail completely, it would just have to not be funny at all. Every comedy film (no matter how awful) has a good scene in it………doesn’t it? Well, to put it fairly kindly:

NO IT DOES NOT! Disaster Movie was so unfunny, I would have rather re-enacted the break-up with my ex-wife. It is so unfunny I had actually thought of becoming an anti-stalker to Friedberg and Seltzer. This year, a certain German man named Uwe Boll has taken a great deal of flack for his movie “Postal”. To be fair to Uwe, I am disgusted that the U.S were unprepared to distribute his movie to more than 20 theaters across the U.S. and rather distribute this crap. The fact is, if Lionsgate had sent out a movie reel of my grandmother’s 60th birthday striptease, I’d imagine they’d receive a better reception. I for one, would have still rated it fairly low (sorry Gran).

I never thought I’d ever see the day that I felt sorry for Carmen Electra and Kim Kardashian. I truly sympathised with them. I had thought that Electra had carved out a little niche in parody films and despite not ever earning as much as the Angelina Jolie’s of this world, I imagine a regular wage is always welcome. Okay it’s tat, but it’s tat that pays. In this movie though, I’ll admit I think even she had given up hope. EVERY single “joke” failed. I did not laugh once….at all….never…..Nothing was funny….. If anything, it made me intensely angry that I had wasted 2 hours of my life (including the more entertaining advertisements at the beginning).

In fact this was so bad that I will wholeheartedly agree with every single person who has reviewed this movie and destroyed it critically. I only hope that the studios realise (albeit five years too late) that Friedberg and Seltzer should not be in the movie industry…at all….ever… I hear McDonalds are always looking for persistent workers. Perhaps they should apply for jobs there.

Incidentally, with a great deal of searching, I have only found one positive review of this movie by Owen Gleiberman. (). I urge you all to contact Entertainment Weekly and ask for an explanation as to why he thought that ’s 8 minute (or thereabouts) dying scene “hit the mark”. It did not “hit the mark” Owen. Not at all. If it had been amusing the first time she had been self-promoting whilst dying, then I would accept it. However, when the scene goes on and on and on (long after it was even supposed to be funny) any faint hint of humour that you might have been feeling, was actually due to wind. I cannot imagine Gleiberman and I watched the same movie.

Even a wrestling scene between Kim Kardashian and Carmen Electra was completely botched. How does that happen? Two sexy women in a wrestling scene, you’d think would at least entertain the perverts (and teenage boys) amongst us. Friedberg and Seltzer do have talents it seems. They manage to make the attractive amongst us seem dull and uninteresting.

My Rating: 0 out of 10. (Any movie that was so bad, I requested my back from the box-office due to false advertising, is not even worth a fraction of a point. The had the movie listed as “riotous “and “hilarious”. It was not, and so an angry man strolled up to the desk with the quote in hand and demanded compensation. They were lucky that I didn’t charge them an hourly rate).

Your Rating: 0 out of 10 (Not much calculation needed here, but I thought I’d include it).

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