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Colons in bad movies? A coincidence?

Submitted by on July 26, 2008 – 6:21 pmOne Comment

A colonNow for most of you that think all I do all day is watch, report and review on current and future movies, this post is an attempt to prove to you that I still have some sort of life. I hypothesise once in a while and my latest movie-related hypothesis is this:

Colons in movies make them suck. Now remember this before the whole of Hollywood start suing me. It is merely a hypothesis and observation. The Movie Blog recently reported that The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian had the largest financial box-office loss. In a world where we can’t just call the next Terminator filmand have to call it something “cool” such as Terminator: Salvation, it seems to me that this merely confuses the (of which I am one) into thinking it sucks big time. Perhaps not.

What follows is a list of movies that contain a colon and often a subtitle after it. They all have one thing in common. All of them made significant losses at the U.S. box-office.

  • Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker: lost $39,340,790
  • Babe: Pig in the City: lost $71,685,140
  • Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within: lost $104,868,170
  • In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale: lost $55,224,344
  • K19: Widowmaker: lost $64,831,323
  • Looney Tunes: Back in Action: lost $59,008,636
  • Speed 2: Cruise Control: lost $111,931,604
  • Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story: lost $16,682,849
  • xXx: The State of the Union: lost $33,126,068

(please note: all figures are courtesy of The Numbers).

It seems then that the only thing linking these films is that of the punctuation mark sat in the middle of the title. So is it responsible for such awful losses? Do people see these movies advertised and think they look like they should be straight-to-DVD. I’ll be honest, other than the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings movies I cannot think of any other colon-ed movie that I actually like.

With this in mind then, let’s look at the colon heavy movies that are upcoming and see if we can finalise this hypothesis. In 2008, 2009 and 2010 the following films will be released:

  • Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
  • Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
  • Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
  • Star Wars: The Clone Wars
  • High School Musical 3: Senior Year
  • Punisher: War Zone
  • Underworld: The Rise of the Lycans
  • Butterfly Effect: Revelation
  • Terminator: Salvation.

Also notice that all of the above are sequels. Surely, Mummy 3, Madagascar 2, Hellboy 2, Star Wars 2.33 (or whatever), High School Musical 3, Punisher 2, Underworld 3, Butterfly Effect 3, and Terminator 4 would be sufficient?

So there we have it: a 4 out of 10 prediction for the worst box-office sales in the U.S. Will my hypothesis stand up, or will I be proved a complete nutter incapable of sensible thought as usual. Only time (and a large amount of medication) will tell.

Your opinions (and even abuse) is always welcome.

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