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Being English sucks sometimes

Submitted by on July 14, 2008 – 3:51 pmNo Comment

Okay, this is a bit off topic but I feel I have to apologise for being British. Such is the excitement in my life that attending the odd Steam and Vintage Rally is commonplace on a Summer’s weekend. For those not in the know, this is where a bunch of old fogies show off their collection of ancient (well nearly) tractors, vintage cars and Traction Engines that they have rescued rusting in a nearby field and lovingly restored.

The obsession with traction engines and vintage cars, I’ll admit has come from classic movies such as Genevieve and The Iron Maiden. Both of these films make great Sunday afternoon flicks and are excellent feel-good movies.


So now I’ve apologised enough for cars and Traction engines from , it is important to apologise for something that is truly British and truly embarrassing. In this Steam and Rally, someone thought it necessary to invite some Morris Dancers to the fold. Now I have to accept that some of most of our international visitors are not entirely sure what I’m on about. Let me explain:


Morris dancing is where a few ageing fellows dressed in Cricket attire adorned with ribbons and bells, skip slowly to music (played by an incompetent concertina or Accordion musician) whilst brandishing large sticks of wood and periodically swiping each other with them. Okay, so the purpose of the wood sticks is to “clonk” against their partner’s sticks and I am always hoping to witness one over-keen dancer to miss the cue and clock someone round the head (it has yet to happen). However, despite the lack of modern day violence in this “dance” the problem I have with it is not the age of the dancers, the annoying bells, the ribbons or that awful music. No! It’s when they discard the sticks of wood and replace them with handkerchiefs! So you have to picture it: men as old as your Grandfather skipping around in a field lobbing hankies into the air whilst jiggling their legs to ensure the bells accompany the music (as opposed to contrast with it).


To say this experience is embarrassing is a complete understatement. Perhaps it would be more entertaining if I suddenly found the need to hop down the local pharmacy and request a barrel of Methylated Spirits to down before witnessing the show.


I’m sharing this with you dear reader, because everything in life affects our mood. Everything in life biases our opinion and since my upcoming reviews this week include “You don’t mess with the Zohan”, “The Love Guru” and “Meet Dave” you’ll understand why I am offering a warning. Every movie that bothers me this week will not just anger me more, . Perhaps I have chosen a wrong week to review these “family movies”. Nevertheless bad mood or not, movie releases continue and so will the reviews. You may find that I love these three movies. That’d be nice. If only we lived in that world.


Well thank you for letting me rant about my weekend. Perhaps now we can get back to the movie reviews. (if you ever wanted to experience what I am talking about, click on this link and it’ll take you to videos of my nightmarish experience.


Have you ever suffered Morris Dancing? Am I overreacting to something that is “just a bit of fun”. Verbally assault my opinions if you must, but remember it’s only one person’s opinion.

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