What Just Happened (2008)- in desperate need of a health warning!
When the “cast” of The Simpsons regularly poke fun at Fox, you have to admire the sheer audacity at being so bold. However, when doing so, somehow it is done in a light-hearted and gentle way.
Since What Just Happened is based on the business-like workdays of a Hollywood producer, you have to accept that similar teasing will occur. This is not the case however as what occurs is complete and utter boredom until the end credits roll. I’m sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I don’t want you to waste time on this review if you have no intention of seeing it.
For those of you who have any intention to see What Just Happened (starring Robert De Niro) my aim is to urge you not to do so! Don’t waste your life like I did mine!
Movies entertain! That is a simple plain truth! However there is a real reason why Hollywood is portrayed as glamorous and that is to hide the harsh business, childishness and ruthlessness that goes on behind the scenes. It is an unfortunate thing when we are shown what is behind the camera and even behind the cameraman. In fact I for one love movies and the idea of the industry, but I would rather stay blissfully ignorant of the shenanigans that go on.
This was my third attempt at watching What Just Happened. I had decided on my third attempt that instead of wasting another ten pounds (18-ish dollars) watching it, I would try at least to get to the end. When the end did come, I skipped straight out of the cinema; glad that I didn’t have to waste another minute of my life on it!
The Simpsons / Fox dynamic can be witnessed here but not cleverly and not subtlety. In fact the statement to Hollywood is as subtle as me taking a wrecking ball to Disney’s front studio wall! This (strangely) is a movie that Hollywood itself wants to see. Well if Hollywood wants to see it (and laugh at the in-jokes that 99.9% of people on the planet won’t understand, appreciate or even laugh at, then let Hollywood keep it!
What Just Happened claims to be a “Comedy-Drama” (Thank you Wikipedia). I don’t care who you are: if you are watching a comedy then you expect to laugh most of the time. If you are watching a split-genre then you expect comedy would cover at least half of the time. For a “Comedy-drama” to offer two laughs and the drama to cover NOTHING, I doubt very much it could be claimed to be “comedy-drama”!
Of the many things wrong with this film is the title! Why did they call it “What Just Happened”? Does anyone quite understand this? They could have called it “Blue Monkeys On Strike” for all the sense it made. Surely it should have been named “You Don’t Want to Know”. At least then it would have been honest.
Why on Earth is Hollywood prepared to send out this cack? I am aware that Hollywood is not an individual and merely a small location on Earth, but surely someone would have stopped it in the edit suite (much like they tried to do on screen).
If you value your time and are not masochistic, do not watch What Just Happened. In fact even if you are masochistic, then I urge you to tell yourself that “safe word” to dissuade you from this. Don’t rent it, buy it, pay to go to the cinema to see it and if some distant cousin / aunt / brother / grandmother dares to give it to you (as a present) then remove it from its packaging and throw the DVD (with vigour) at their tiny little minds!
When manufacturers get things wrong (safety-wise) they recall their faulty product. Well 2929 (and Tribeca) productions. This film bothers me to the extent that I am fearing my health! I want my money back for all three viewings (and even popcorn expenditure)! Even Bruce Willis in excellent Prima Donna mode does not save it from pathetic-ness. I would rather watch pain dry (then watch it age and be painted over) before I watch this again!
Rating: 0.5 out of 5
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