Sex Drive – Cut, copy and paste!
Synopsis:A high school senior drives cross-country with his best friends to hook up with a babe he met online. Critique: At 109 minutes Sex Drive was not a long film by any means but without a watch it felt like I was viewing Gone With the Wind in slow motion. Not only was the film so painfully unoriginal I kept willing my watch to work again so that somehow I could gauge how much pain was left for me. If you have ever watched American Pie, Road Trip, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller’s Day off or any other teen-desperate-for-sex-movie you will know the drill. Boring and sensitive kid is fooled into thinking he is the only eighteen year old virgin and insists on driving nine-hours to Knoxville in the search of a willing female. This is certainly not your average meet-cute but a "winning" Hollywood formula nonetheless. At least I assume it is a winning formula, as these sort of films get produced every five seconds (or thereabouts). Knob gags then commence and never stop until the end credits with every character onscreen copied (and pasted) for your “enjoyment”. Whilst watching this I felt an overwhelming need to become a feminist as it offends and degrades women in a way that makes you embarrassed to be male. I felt amused that Sean Anders, John Morris and Andy Behrens claim to be responsible for “writing” the story as there was nothing to be written. Nothing was new, even down to the “borrowing” of the car to the almost cloned performance of Stifler. Unfortunately James Marsden, despite sharing most of the laughs (with Seth Green) does not come close to Seann William Scotts’ performance in American Pie.... or even Bill Paxton’s in Weird Science. I’d like to know what is the amusement factor of a pair of testicles. Why are they so popular these days? Step Brothers used them last year to awful effect and Sex Drive manages to make use of them again which makes Will Ferrell’s effort look like comedic genius (which it was not). Seth Green manages to raise a few laughs with his sarcasm and despite not completely shining through, Clark Duke establishes himself as a future contender. He needs to work on his delivery though as most of his lines felt unnatural in their delivery! As for the main character though (played by Josh Zuckerman) and his friend (Amanda Crew) they play such humdrum people that you hope the director gets bored of them halfway through, to murder them needlessly. He doesn’t....sadly. Overall Sex Drive doesn’t claim to be anything new and as a cheap formula that has worked in the past I imagine it will do well in the box office. There are always plenty of teenage boys prepared to go to the cinema for an hour and a half of penis humour, naked breasts and a couple of obligatory stoners. Pathetic! Conclusion: I haven’t had good luck with the films that I have chosen to see recently. I can only assume that this is Hollywood’s way of counterbalancing the overly pretentious tat that is indigenous to this time of year (Oscar season). I only hope that the year improves as I imagine I would have better things to do (like leaping around Stonehenge dressed in a white cloth claiming that I’m not a druid or hippy). If you are male, in your teen years, aching to see some breasts on the big screen, a chauvinist, haven’t seen American Pie, Road Trip, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Weird Science or any films like them....congratulations: Sex Drive has found its target audience. A bunch of boob-crazed Neanderthals who enjoy nothing more than flicking through their mother’s copy of Cosmopolitan in an attempt to find a lingerie advertisment. You are a Lad’s Mag reader; instead of calling people “beautiful” or “attractive” you use the term “hot”; you are hated by the rest of normal society. Rating: 1 out of 5