18 Year Old Virgin – They’re getting better, but are worse for it!
I never thought I’d ever see the day when I would “review” a film called 18 Year Old Virgin. This is largely because I do not review porn films and the title would indicate that it is a movie from the vaults of Playboy / Penthouse / or whatever.
Clearly 18 Year Old Virgin is not a pornography title then for I would not be writing this and would in fact be trying to find a new box of Kleenex. It is in fact The Asylum’s attempt at making an American Pie mockbuster. There are inherent problems with covering this “genre”. Usually when releasing classic mockbusters such as Snakes on a Train, you accept that The Asylum’s attempt will be lacking somewhat because of budget. In fact, most of their releases you would bring into the fold, the “budget factor” when reviewing them. However, American Pie-like films can be made for an extremely low budget; being in one location ninety percent of the time, no special effects and focussing on just a few characters.
The question remains then, when all the chips are equal, can The Asylum come up trumps?
Horribly in lust / love with a guy and rejected because of her virginity, Katie Powers sets about trying to lose it in one night. Things don’t quite go to plan.
Okay, when reading the synopsis, you’d think (except for the last sentence) that it reads like a pornography film as well. All we are missing is the plumber who should be fixing the fridge!
So Olivia Alaina Mae / May plays Katie (I’m desperate for it) Powers and spends approximately 90 minutes looking like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck! In fact she does this so well, I would hire her as Bambi’s mum in the inevitable stage show of the popular Disney classic. Where was I? Oh yeah. She is accompanied by a friend who says the word “awesome” forty too many times and in what must be the lamest excuse to become an instant slut, sets about trying to shag everyone.
Let me just stop there. I have to take a pause for a second to ask myself where were all the highly forgettable men in the film. Surely there would be room for a Stifler equivalent or even the stupidly oversensitive one in American Pie? The answer to this question is a resounding “no”. There is a childhood friend (yawn) and a polished “jock” (yawn) and an amusing turn by a VERY drunk kid (funny, but yawn); there seemed like an imbalance in favour of the girls. This, believe it or not, is a shame as there were some scenes in 18Year Old Virgin that made me laugh like the immature child I really am! If you had another character to bring some unfortunate attention too; one that perhaps was far too cocky all of the time, this may have been better.
However let’s not fool ourselves. 18 Year Old Virgin is another American Pie. It is not as amusing (despite having no fallback on the “budget factor”), it has a title very much like a porn film (which I might add, disappoints on that level also) and for a comedy, there is perhaps only 30% of which you could laugh too. The rest of the time you sit there hoping that Snakes on a Train 2 is being put into production sometime soon.
The Asylum’s biggest mistake here is that they covered a genre which could reveal them to be a master studio. This was a series that would cross the chasm between them and such places as Warner Bros. Unfortunately, too little time was spent on it and we ended with a disappointment. I am bothered by this as there was absolutely no reason why 18 Year Old Virgin couldn’t have been excellent. Good actors don’t have to cost millions (I know many who would work for free), good writers aren’t always expensive and there are some directors out there who are keen just to show what they can do. Good film-making needn’t be expensive. Sadly, in making a film that should’ve crossed financial boundaries it is clear that The Asylum has forgotten that.
With so much potential and most of it flushed away, this is probably the least entertaining Asylum movie. This is mainly due to the fact that you completely forget the “cheapness” of it. You could argue that this is good or bad, but with the ability to make a film that is tight on budget yet good on entertainment, this movie fails. As a mockbuster it fails. As a comedy, it fails. Just because you are a budget studio does not excuse laziness. Either bring us back the mockbusters as they should be (deliberately and entertainingly cheap) or at least put some effort in the construction of your next movie!
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
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